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Loved Ones and Family Members Abused by Those with BPD
Borderline Abandonment Fears Lead To Non Borderlines Being Abused by Many With BPD
By A.J. Mahari © February 28, 2007
Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are often abusive to non borderlines and that abuse stems from the borderline's the core wound of abandonment core wound(s) of abandonment.
- Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES packaged together with or without audio.
- Non Borderlines - You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged together with or without audio.
- Those with BPD and/or Non Borderlines can purchase A.J. Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks packaged together with or without audio.
Those diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) are often abusive to non borderlines due to a lack of interpersonal skill and a lack of emotional maturity. It is the narcissistic injury of the core wound of abandonment that renders them incapable of the mutuality and reciprocity that is required for healthy adult relating.
The definition of BPD, in the DSM-IV, lists the first trait of BPD as, “Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.” It is these very frantic attempts to avoid real or imagined abandonment that see those with BPD often be very emotionally manipulative. Borderlines manipulate others and even entire environments because they experience both as extensions of themselves.
Lacking a real known authentic sense of self, borderlines, in and out of this lack of known self, have no boundaries between where they end and the non borderline begins. This is often experienced by non borderlines relating to borderlines as an impenetrable wall of narcissistic self-absorption of which the borderline seems very unaware.
If the non borderline trying to relate to the borderline is not validating them, the borderline will experience that as negating, rejecting, and/or abandoning. Even the slightest comment experienced as invalidating by the borderline can set off an abusive eruption of unmitigated rage that can seem to come out of nowhere.
Some with BPD express that rage in the form of aggressive verbal, emotional, and/or physical abuse. Others express it in much more quiet, passive-aggressive sniping ways that can be crazy-making and undermine the reality of the non-borderline.
Borderlines, fearing abandonment, often relate to others with the expectations of younger children. That is to say, they are re-playing out the unsatisfactory and unresolved abandonment from a parent or parents in their intimate relationships. This does not auger well for the intimate partner of most with BPD. Lacking interpersonal skill and emotional maturity the borderline is more often than not abusive because he/she does not know any other way to be. They are often effectively raging young children in adult bodies.
When many borderlines aren’t raging they are demandingly needy in ways that cannot be soothed or satiated by the non borderline because he/she is not the parent that the borderline is regressing to relate to over and over again. This regression occurs after the false self of the borderline has sensed or felt some actually unfolding or perceived abandonment. The false self of the borderline kicks into defend at all cost mode and that sets the stage for the narcissistic and often abusive behaviour of many with BPD.
- Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES packaged together with or without audio.
- Non Borderlines - You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged together with or without audio.
- Those with BPD and/or Non Borderlines can purchase A.J. Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks packaged together with or without audio.
The regressive nature of borderlines who risk beyond their abandonment fears and anxieties is prevalent and pervasive. It leaves many a non borderline feeling invisible and like they do not exist as anything more than a conduit for the borderline’s efforts to satiate his/her insatiable needs.
Borderlines have not developed the emotional maturity to relate to an intimate other in healthy, mutual, and reciprocal ways. The result is often an inordinate amount of time and energy spent focused on the borderline.
Abuse is rampant from many borderlines in the form of aggressive verbal abuse, threats, intimidation, as they rage at others upon whom they’ve displaced their unresolved issues of abandonment fear, abandonment depression, abandonment anxiety, and insecure attachment issues.
When a borderline acts out their unresolved abandonment issues any real hope for intimacy in an adult relationship is annihilated in much the same way the borderline felt annihilated when they were first abandoned.
The verbal, emotional, and/or physical abuse of those with BPD, is a reenactment of the very abandonment and rejection that they suffered as a young child. Borderlines are developmentally stuck in a phase of early childhood development that was interrupted by the trauma of abandonment.
Until and unless a borderline can heal the unresolved grief of the core wound of abandonment they will continue to be abusive as they play out their pasts and transfer their unresolved childhood issues onto intimate partners who are such parent figures to them that they are invisible as the intimate other that they may still hope to be to their borderline partner.
© A.J. Mahari, February 28, 2007
- Purchase all 3 of ebooks for NON BORDERLINES packaged together with or without audio.
- Non Borderlines - You can purchase 6 ebooks packaged together with or without audio.
- Those with BPD and/or Non Borderlines can purchase A.J. Mahari's 3 "Core Wound of Abandonment" series ebooks packaged together with or without audio.
